Daily Bites of The Secret State Series #5:“Forbidden to Die”,Bites #1-5,Attempting Suicide

The Secret State Series #5
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Story of a Secret State stands as one of the most poignant and inspiring memoirs of World War II and the Holocaust. With elements of a spy thriller, documenting his experiences in the Polish Underground, and as one of the first accounts of the systematic slaughter of the Jews by the German Nazis, this volume is a remarkable testimony of one man's courage and a nation's struggle for resistance against overwhelming oppression.
Karski was a brilliant young diplomat when war broke out in 1939 with Hitler's invasion of Poland. Taken prisoner by the Soviet Red Army, which had simultaneously invaded from the East, Karski narrowly escaped the subsequent Katyn Forest Massacre. He became a member of the Polish Underground, the most significant resistance movement in occupied Europe, acting as a liaison and courier between the Underground and the Polish government-in-exile. He was twice smuggled into the Warsaw Ghetto, and entered the Nazi's Izbica transit camp disguised as a guard, witnessing first-hand the horrors of the Holocaust.
Karski's courage and testimony, conveyed in a breathtaking manner in Story of a Secret State, offer the narrative of one of the world's greatest eyewitnesses and an inspiration for all of humanity, emboldening each of us to rise to the challenge of standing up against evil and for human rights. This definitive edition—which includes a foreword by Madeleine Albright, a biographical essay by Yale historian Timothy Snyder, an afterword by Zbigniew Brzezinski, previously unpublished photos, notes, further reading, and a glossary—is an apt legacy for this hero of conscience during the most fraught and fragile moment in modern history.
Jan Karski was born in ód , Poland, in 1914. 
He received a degree in Law and Diplomatic Science in 1935 and served as a liaison officer of the Polish Underground during World War II. He carried the first eyewitness report of the Holocaust to a mostly unbelieving West, meeting with President Roosevelt in 1943 to plead for Allied intervention. Story of a Secret State was originally published in 1944, becoming a bestseller and Book of the Month Club selection. After the war, Karski earned his PhD at Georgetown University, where he served as a distinguished professor in the School of Foreign Service for forty years. He died in Washington, DC, in 2000. Karski has been recognized as Righteous Among the Nations by Yad Vashem. In 2012, he was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by our President.
"His wartime saga as officer, as Soviet prisoner, as escapee, in the hands of the Gestapo, and as a Polish Underground activist and courier, is beyond remarkable. In a world today where words such as 'courage' and 'heroism' have been so overused—applied freely from sports to entertainment to politics as to be rendered practically meaningless—Jan Karski was the rare human being who embodied both."
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"In the words of James Russell Lowell's rousing hymn:
'Once to every man and nation, comes the moment to decide, in the strife of truth with falsehood, for the good or evil side.' Perhaps more than most of us, Jan Karski faced such a choice in the starkest of possible terms, and made his decision as courageously as one could. . . . Jan Karski was a patriot and a truth teller; may his words always be read and his legacy never forgotten.
"Secret State is an indispensable and compelling historical document of World War II and the Holocaust, written by a supremely courageous humanitarian."
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The Secret State Series #5:
The Secret State #5 “Forbidden to Die”
by Jan Karski: Highlights and excerpts by PL Sturgis:
The Secret state Series 1: “The Underground” by Jan Karski:
From chapter 19, page 231 last paragraph... There are four branches of the underground. An underground movement that anticipates only a brief life aims to produce chaos and to interfere with all the efforts of the usurping administration to establish order. It must operate at the highest possible tension at all times. It seeks the broadest possible reins of unified operations. It does not lay such a vital stress on secrecy and selectivity and hopes to succeed more by throwing the enemy into turmoil and confusion than my perfecting its own machinery. From 1939 onward a large military and political organizations had been functioning. The mid 1940’s brought news of the defeat of France and the knowledge that an allied victory would be a long time in coming.
Introduction: During my four and a half months absence while captured by the Russians and the the Germans, Conditions in Poland had changed considerably. The first few conversations made me conscious of the fact that the consolidation of the underground had practically been achieved. The movement had crystallized into the major organization: The coalition of the four largest political parties;
1) The Peasants 
2) The Socialist 
3) The Christian Labor
4) The Nationalist. 
This was the official military organization which had been recognized by the government as a military unit enjoying equal rights with the Polish Army in France. The most important need for that third party was to unite and agree on a chief delegate. The government was not interested in the personality of the candidate, nor his political affiliation, nor was he to become involved in party representation. The government would confirm the appointment of any individual who possessed authority and had the confidence of the population. 
(hmmmm? 1940 sounds familiar in 2017)
The Polish underground State to which Karski belonged was under the authority of the Polish government in London. He admitted that besides this organization there were other organizations carrying on their activities under the direct influence of Moscow. Being the first active member of the Polish Underground and in the fortunate position to publish some aspect of its story, he hoped that it would encourage others to relate their experiences and that out of such narratives the free people all over the world would be able to form an objective opinion as to how the Polish people reacted during the years of German conquest.




Daily Bites of The Secret State  Series #5:

“Forbidden to Die” 
Bites #1-5,Attempting Suicide:
    #2) In a Slovakian Hospital:
 #3) Unwanted Blood Transfusion:
 #4) Planning a Second attempt to Die: #5) Mingled Emotions:       
              by Jan Karski : 

#1) Attempting Suicide:

Clutching the razor in my right hand I cut the vein on my left wrist. I thought of my religious convictions, my mother, my childhood, and the inglorious death that I had to die, like a crushed insect. I felt a bottomless sorrow knowing that my family would never know what happened to me or where my body would lie. I only knew I would rather die than betray my friends to have to go through this brutal agony. Even if the Gestapo would try to find my family they could never track down my real identity for I had taken so many alias’. I knew I would never be free and could not survive another beating. One phrase dominated my mind. “I AM DISGUSTED! I had hardly reasoned or reflected on anything other than the prompting of the pain. Somehow, my purpose seemed to be performing itself. My only desire was to escape and to die was the only way. After a while, in a haze, I realized the blood had stopped flowing and I was still alive. In fear of being unsuccessful I flung my arms about to make them bleed again. The blood began to flow in thick streams. I felt as though I was suffocating and I tried to draw breath through my mouth. I became nauseous and began vomiting.----- then I lost consciousness.

#2) In the Slovakian Hospital:


I have no idea how long I remained unconscious. I returned to my senses only gradually. Blurred impressions seemed to seep through the dull pain that blanketed me, shutting off the world. At first my consciousness could register only a few painful physical facts. The inside of my mouth and my tongue were cracked and inflamed creating a bitter taste. A monotonous inescapable ringing troubled my ears. Feebly I tried to determine the nature of my surroundings but something held back my effort. My will was impeded with an agency that acted to seal off all new sensations and return to the oblivion from which I struggled to emerge. Against this unremitting pressure, this ceaseless urge to let go and fall back into darkness, I forced myself into awareness bit by bit. One thing became clear. I was not in my cell. I was lying on a hard wooden slab and not on that dirty pallet of straw. My body was rigid and cramped. I tried to twist over on one side. I encountered a resistance of some kind. Again I wrenched with greater violence. I still could not move. My muscles contracted in a sudden panic. I felt sure I was paralyzed. I lashed my body about until I felt something cutting into my flesh in several places. Then it dawned on me that I was securely tied to this wooden slab. My Nazi captors must have credited me as one of their fabled supermen! That thought was rejuvenating my will to perceive.

#3) Unwanted Blood Transfusion:

I forced my eyes slowly to open and focused on the objects about me. A powerful glare beat down on my eyeballs making them water and blink. Suspended from the ceiling by a wire, a lamp dangled. It had been shaded in a way to concentrate its beam on me; as if I had been spotlighted on the stage. I felt exposed and humiliated. A face loomed above me, magnified above all proportion. Then, above a sensation of ringing in my ears, I heard a voice speaking Slovakian. “Don’t be frightened. You are in a Slovakian Hospital. We are going to make you well. In a moment you will receive a blood transfusion.” His words registered like an icy shock and I managed to speak. “I don’t want a blood transfusion. I want to die. Please let me die?” --- “Everything will be alright” he said. I remember praying that I would not come back to life. Death was the consummation of all my desire. I wanted no more of this struggle. All I wanted was the blackness where physical pain did not matter. The doctor moved away and beyond the spot where he stood I saw the broad menacing back of the Slovakian policeman hunched over a newspaper. the doctor moved back into my line of vision and a sharp instrument jabbed into my leg. I tried to pull away. I tried to stop them tearing away at my hands. Twisting in agony in a last burst of resistance-----I fainted. 


#4) Planning a Second Attempt to Die:

The last thing I remember before losing consciousness was the Slovakian doctor jabbing a sharp instrument into my leg and telling me it would be good for me. He said I will be receiving a blood transfusion and to no avail, I begged him to let me die. when I awoke I found myself in a small room with three other patients who were Slovakians. I sat up in my bed surprised at the absence of pain. Apart from the pressure in my head my body was steeped in a luxurious stupor. With difficulty I arose myself to the contemplation of escaping by suicide. The room seemed to be left unguarded. Then, through the half open door I noticed the blue uniform fatigue of the Slovakian policeman, still bent over his newspaper. I let my head fall back on the pillow. In a rambling disconnected fashion I began to speculate on my prospects. There was little hope for me. Even if a chance to escape should present itself, I doubt whether I could muster sufficient strength to take advantage of the opportunity. Soon, it occurred to me, I would be facing the Gestapo tortures again. I resolved to make another attempt at committing suicide. With whatever comfort I could draw from this decision ---- I fell asleep.

#5) Mingled Emotions:

The next morning a cheerful feminine voice awoke me. A nun was standing at my bedside holding a thermometer. She placed it in my mouth and whispered, “You speak Slovakian?” I mumbled affirmative. “Listen carefully,” she said. “It is better for you to be here than in prison. We will try to keep you here as long as possible.” I understood her words but could not quite fathom the purpose behind them. The desire to question her made me remove the thermometer from my mouth. She replaced it firmly and placed her finger on her lips shaking her head in admonition. “Now I shall need to take your temperature again. You must learn to behave yourself!” In the next week I made considerable progress in regaining my health. My general physical condition was much improved, although I could not yet do anything with my hands. I could not even feed myself. Splints held my wrists rigid and the yards and yards of white bandages gave the appearance of white boxing gloves. I remembered the nuns words though and I pretended a weakness which I felt less and less. The days I spent in that Slovakian Hospital were perhaps the strangest days of my life. My convalescence inspired mingled emotions in me. A nearly rapturous sense of returning strength alternated with fits of despondency of the recurring dread of another questioning by the Gestapo. It became increasingly irksome to feign helplessness. I longed to get out of bed, move about, walk, and sit outdoors in the sunshine. It was difficult to repress these normal desires.


(to be continued) ....



(To be continued ) 


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Daily Bites of The Secret State Series #5 
“Forbidden to Die” 
#7: Deep Despair: 
#8) Germany’s Fake News: 
#9) Forced to Leave the Hospital: 
#10) Back in the Prison Cell: 
by Jan Karski 1944 :
“From The Secret State” 


The Secret State: Series 5: 


#1) Attempting Suicide:

#2) In a Slovakian Hospital:

#3) Unwanted Blood Transfusion:

#4) Planning a Second attempt to Die:

#5) Mingled Emotions:

#6) France Surrenders:

#7: Deep Despair:

#8) Germany’s Fake News:

#9) Forced to Leave the Hospital:

#10) Back in the Prison Cell:

#11) Beloved Mother Land:

#12) The Kind Slovakian Guard:

#13) When Death is a Privilege:

#14) Help from the Enemy:

#15) Back in the Hospital:

#16) The Message in the Roses:

#17) The Deceivers are Deceived:

#18) Back to Where I Started:

#19) Beloved Mother Land:

#20) Doctor’s Orders:

#21) Requesting a Priest:

#22) Risking Everything:

#23) A Small Break Through:

#24) A Taste of Liberty:

#25) A Feeling of Security:

#26) Path to Freedom:

#27) Now or Never:

#28) Freedom is not Free:

#29) Hearts of Gold:

#30) A Free Man Once Again:

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To be Continued in the Next Daily Bites of “The Secret State Series #5”
“Forbidden to Die”

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