When I

When I start thinking highly of myself

You take me outside to look at the stars in the heavens.

When I begin to count myself clever and witty

You bind up my bowels or give me a terrible rash.

When I complain about the incompetence of others

You make it hard for me to tie my own shoes.

When I brag about my accomplishments

You have my wife remind me of my failures - in a crowd.

When I adore my face in the mirror

You let me walk around all day with a booger hanging out.

When I bitch and moan about my troubles

You sit me next to a man with one leg.

When I make fun of someone with a big butt

You give me ten pounds I'll never be able to lose.

When I am ashamed and ask for forgiveness

You bring me in from out of the cold rain.

When I take Your hand

You tell me You never let go.