I once went
through a very difficult breakup after a very difficult and tumultuous relationship.
For years, I would be reminded of this person in the face of strangers, in the
way light filtered through a certain tree, a random phrase overheard in public,
whenever certain songs were played, and in about half a million other things.
It was in my thoughts, in my blood, in my pores. I talked about her all the
time to my friends, surely driving them crazy. As time went by, though, I began
thinking less and less about her; an entire morning would go by without
reminding myself somehow. Eventually I overcame my grief and anger and
disappointment and self-pity. I stopped talking about her because I stopped
thinking about her. I moved on by immersing myself in life, by letting it carry
me in its rapid current. Now I can look back on that period of my journey
without being swallowed in the emotions and thoughts and constant reminders.
For a relatively
emotional and mentally healthy person, this is how we process significant
events and pivotal relationships. It is part of the human condition. However,
sometimes we hold onto the pain and rage and loss, we hold on so tight that it
cuts into the very core of our being and leaves a groove that eventually traps
us in a continuous cycle, affecting every other relationship we have in our
life. As you have seen and experienced in either yourself or someone close to
you, this is very unhealthy in every sense of the word; it can ripple out to
your children and shape the fabric of their future, it can dictate the actions
of others close to you, especially if they are not emotionally and mentally
healthy themselves. These negative cycles can even choose your friends and
romantic interests for you. It has been called 'carrying baggage from the
past,' and rightly so. The bottom line is this: the more you hold on to
something, the more it holds on to you.
Now let's broaden
our perspective and talk about racism. Is it nothing more than holding on to
negative stereotypes and attitudes? It is in your thoughts, in your blood, in
your pores, in your words and actions. When the groove of prejudice is in your
mind, you choose to perpetuate it because you either don't think you have any
other choices, or it is so engrained in your consciousness you're not fully
aware of being a slave to it, or you believe it is the right way to be. The more you hold onto something, the more it
holds on to you.
This issue is
tearing apart the very foundation of our society, affecting to the core our freedom
of choice. Racism is truly a cancer to democracy. How do we excise it, how do we climb out of
the groove, how do we heal? I saw a quote from the actor Morgan Freeman
yesterday. He said "How do we stop racism? Stop talking about it. I'm
going to stop calling you a white man, and I'm going to ask you to stop calling
me a black man." That's a great start. It is possible to immerse yourself
in the joy and challenge of life without being captive to your prejudices.
I'm well aware
that the best thinkers of our time say we can't completely erase prejudice and
racism, and as much as it galls to me to admit it, they are right. In a sense. There are always going to be
those who sit somewhere on the curve between completely saturated, hateful
racist and prejudice free. We can't have a perfect world; that's the nature of
free will and mental illness. But I disagree with the experts if they think we
as individuals are incapable of being color blind. Read carefully, and you'll
understand how to climb out of that groove:
1)
STOP acting with prejudice. Look everyone in the eye, treat everyone with
the same courtesy and respect you should give your mother, and really try to
see them from the inside out. When you do that, it will easier for you to
2)
STOP talking with prejudice. If your friend,
brother, pastor or spouse starts talking with an air of prejudice, either be
bold enough to ask them to stop, or hold your own tongue so it doesn't fall in
with them. When you can begin to control your thoughts and words, you will
discover that you can
3)
STOP feeling different. Oh, sure, you're
different in a thousand different ways, but you don't have to let it stop you
from getting along or getting to know someone who has a different shade of
skin. When you realize that there are ten times more ways you are alike than
different, you will start feeling the kinship of their humanity. Once you are
able to feel that kinship, you will be able to
4)
STOP thinking prejudice thoughts. This is the
root of racism, prejudice thoughts. The absolute best way to pull them out by
the roots, if you are a person of faith, is through prayer and scripture. Take
heed when Jesus says "Love one another as I love you," and "Do
unto others as you would have them do unto you," and "I tell you, do
not resist an evil person. Whoever strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him
the other also." If you are not religious, the road is infinitely more
difficult for you because removing prejudice requires surrendering your will to
a higher power. You're right, it's like being an alcoholic. Think you can
change yourself without help? Good luck with that. But the ultimate goal is to
dig those prejudicial thoughts out of you and fill the void with something more
substantial, like gratitude and good will.
If you want to be
without prejudice, you can. Just let go of it and don't pick it up again. It
will probably be one of the most difficult things you will ever do, but it will
be worth it. Why? Because when you change, you'll begin to see a change in
others around you, and when they change, it will ripple out and touch most of
the world. You can also do the steps I
laid out backward, too. I always do things backward anyway. Start by changing your thoughts, by getting
help from the Lord, by yanking them out and replacing them with fellowship and
love. You're not going to overcome racism with tolerance. You're going to
defeat it by letting it go within yourself.
by Jay T Harding
by Jay T Harding
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