Like most of you, I was too busy looking for something else to do to listen to Barack Obama's State of the Union address. I figured I could check out the president's unofficial blog,
www.peoplesworld.org, for anything I had missed. As it happens, my perusal of People's World proved that there had been no surprises: the speech won high praise from that unofficial Obama newsletter (not to be confused with his unofficial newspaper, the New York Times) for focusing on the need for quick action on establishing a global dictatorship to solve the problem of super storms (sorry, that's "Super storms," capital "S") produced by Anthropogenic Global Warming. (The root cause of this settled science, which a unanimous 36 percent of scientists have chosen to have faith in, is apparently the unnatural level of White House gases in the atmosphere after a State of the Union address.)
At any rate, as I later learned, and as I am sure you already know, the big story of that night was not President Obama's historic world record for the longest speech by a Marxist head of state outside of the communist bloc countries. No, that feat was unfortunately upstaged by the complete unraveling of the American conservative movement, as it was revealed on live television that Senator Marco Rubio is actually a giant lizard from Mars; well, not that, but perhaps even worse -- he has a drinking problem.
When I first began seeing headlines about Rubio's "Watergate" moment -- how lightly the socialist press now tosses around the name that used to signify its greatest triumph, and Hillary Clinton's first attempt to break the law -- I wondered what could possibly have happened. Had he interrupted his SOTU response to engage in shameless product placement? ("Excuse me while I enjoy some refreshing Poland Spring water!") Had he used the water to make gurgling sounds as a demonstration of the current state of the U.S. economy?
By Daren Jonescu
www.peoplesworld.org, for anything I had missed. As it happens, my perusal of People's World proved that there had been no surprises: the speech won high praise from that unofficial Obama newsletter (not to be confused with his unofficial newspaper, the New York Times) for focusing on the need for quick action on establishing a global dictatorship to solve the problem of super storms (sorry, that's "Super storms," capital "S") produced by Anthropogenic Global Warming. (The root cause of this settled science, which a unanimous 36 percent of scientists have chosen to have faith in, is apparently the unnatural level of White House gases in the atmosphere after a State of the Union address.)
At any rate, as I later learned, and as I am sure you already know, the big story of that night was not President Obama's historic world record for the longest speech by a Marxist head of state outside of the communist bloc countries. No, that feat was unfortunately upstaged by the complete unraveling of the American conservative movement, as it was revealed on live television that Senator Marco Rubio is actually a giant lizard from Mars; well, not that, but perhaps even worse -- he has a drinking problem.
When I first began seeing headlines about Rubio's "Watergate" moment -- how lightly the socialist press now tosses around the name that used to signify its greatest triumph, and Hillary Clinton's first attempt to break the law -- I wondered what could possibly have happened. Had he interrupted his SOTU response to engage in shameless product placement? ("Excuse me while I enjoy some refreshing Poland Spring water!") Had he used the water to make gurgling sounds as a demonstration of the current state of the U.S. economy?
By Daren Jonescu
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